okay.

yesterday i just had my last biology test before my final exams and it was... excruciating. mentally and physically.

what pissed me off real bad in here sometimes is that.. when people do not believe that i have not studied when i said i have not.

and they will start saying..

"no la.. i bet u finish studying already.. see you so relax"

"how can u not know..?"

"i saw u studying already the other day.."


firstly, i know how to relax and still do well. it's my lifestyle. not that i have never been stressed out over studies before. ironically, it was my roommates who have seen the stressed out me in the last semester and the relax me in this semester.

you know when i'm studying and when im NOT.

stop being blind and accusing me of pretending that i have not studied, and all this pretense is just because i dont want to help any of u.

when i study, i study openly.

when anyone needs help, i will go study earlier than i usually do so that i can help them.

and even if i do offer my help and my concern out of my own accord, i'm afraid that some people feels that i'm looking down on them. GEESH. if i look down on u, i probably wont even care about u and waste my time on you!

like this test, i know that my brother is in need of help, so i TRIED to read a bit of it but it just wouldnt get into my head cos i have yet to feel the pressure.

i went to the library to teach him and i was pressurised to understand as much as i can in that short period of time because my brother wasn't the only one depending on me.

and you probably do not understand how tiring that was.

so i went to sleep early, knowing very well that even if i stayed up until 5am i wouldnt be able to get anything into my head. i am not the juliza i used to be in the last semester when i slept at 2am the earliest.

and partly, i was too pissed off with people who did not believe in me, and i just wanted to flunk this one test to show them that.

but cicong convinced me that im only left with 2 more weeks of school. i shouldnt be so stupid to sacrifice my marks for these people who thinks im out to do them in.

so i cramped everything into my brain during my 1 hour of computer science.

i completed the test in 40 minutes and i went out - just to help my brother cos he was too sick to study the night before.

sometimes i feel that, people always overlook the times when i help them and concentrate on the times when i am unable to help them.

and this isn't the only thing bugging me now.

2 more weeks, juliza.

till.. i have to sadly leave this place. although there are things that i am not happy with here, but i really like this school.

till.. i can finally get away from the person who has disappointed me the most throughout my whole stay in canada.

that's why i have been looking so daze and dead.

okay here goes. i wont be able to type this entry at one go cos im going to catch the movie harold and kumar : escape from guantanamo bay later at 7!

yesterday night was Columbia International College's Prom Night 2008.

an event that was look forward to by many people and most of them had an enjoyable night (: this prom night is for students who will be graduating in May (me) and July (my brother...)

some preparations before prom night.. i didnt spend alot for this prom night as compared to the sec 4 prom night. cos i reused my gown! hahaha. i like my gown (: i had to spend money on.. accesories, nails, hair, makeup and limo!

i love my nails, because it matches my gown AND it has crowns on them!



some people thought i went for manicure while some thought i painted them myself. when infact i only bought the fake nails for $8 at shopper's drugmart! =D they are stick ons and im only left with 4 of them still on my nails now. the rest have dropped off.

and lots of people decided to skip half day of school yesterday to prepare for prom night! i used the same reason to skip my calculus class when actually i was just tired. i reached home at 1pm.. hahax prom only started at 6.30pm!

i went to do my makeup at 4pm and my hair at 5pm.. and here's the result my hair.



the people here have this thing for big curls on their hair. i specifically asked them NOT to curl my hair. most of the girls there were perming their hair! nooo. LOL. i love my hair (: although i cant really see the back of it..

and ... and.. and.. something that i will never get to experience in singapore's prom.. cos we dont have much road space for it.. LIMO!

usually.. every morning we have to take this to school :



YES! the yellow magic school bus. we had the option of taking the school bus to CARMEN's (location of our prom) but the majority of the students were taking limo.. there were so few people taking the bus that the school had to put a sign up list for the bus to make sure that there are actually going to be people taking the bus. imagine how many limos there were parked outside my residence at 6pm! we have about 300+ people attending the dinner..

this was how it looked like outside my residence.



and our limo is right here behind us. there are 6-, 8-, 10-, 14- and 18- seater limos. Ours was a 14-seater limo (:



and here is how the inside of the limo looked like..




. there is a bar, tv, radio inside and i love the small lights (= .






. back half of the limo .


. front half of the limo .



nice? nice nice?

the money was nice too -_- we almost couldnt get a limo cos we booked it last minute!

and then we arrived at carmen's and we all started taking photos! i have uploaded all pictures on facebook if u guys wanna see it =)

im uploading some of my favourite pictures here ...




. with tiffany and kelvin .



. pretty girls (= .


. mainly the people from our limousine .


. Sebastian! .


. Helen da jie .


. the Singaporean and Malaysian guys .


. my brother .


. my principal .


. ms klodt .


. my table .


. Adrian .


. chika, aseye and joyce .


. ms Theresa .


. Indonesians .





. queenie .


. michelle .



yup so we had our dinner and dance. woot. most of the people danced until damn high! i recorded them with my viewcam so i can show u guys when i go back singapore how high the people dance until! LOL

okay.. im super tired right now. okay, happy reading!

ARGH! i'm so freaking frustrated right now.

WHYWHYWHY. am i enduring this?!

i went to eat at August 8 again today and.. it wasnt such an enjoyable experience.

followed by a movie - Prom Night.

it isn't as mystical nor a-cinderella-story as the title suggests it to be. it is actually a horror movie. darn. i should have read up on a summary about it beforehand, i thought it was horror as in the BOO-GHOST-SCARED-YOU type, instead it is a.. thrilling, murder story. i hate it when i see people injure each other.

nonetheless, the movie got me thinking.

im going to be a huge spoiler here. i doubt that singapore is going to play the movie anyway, but if it is, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS ENTRY.



---->spoiler<----

the movie is about a psychopathic-cum-maniac teacher. He kills everyone in his way just to get to this student that he is crazy about. He killed her whole family cos they were against him, and the girl saw her mom murdered in her face. The man was caught but he escaped after 3 years. Incidentally, after 3 years, it was the girl's Prom Night. And he mercilessly killed her 4 good friends on that fateful night. I was praying so hard for her boyfriend not to be killed, but he was the last to die.
And like all murder stories - the bad guy was caught.

---->spoiler<---

firstly, MURDERING is BAD BAD BAD. i am really disturbed by killing scenes. How can a human bear to kill another? i still cannot phantom how they summon the courage to do so.


please dont let me die - being murdered.


anyway, prom night. The movie reminded me that this will be the night that marks the end of my pre-u years. After this i have to start growing up and be a university student.


Before prom night, the lives of us students are just study and play. Love and hate placed simply in your face. Some still living in their fairytales that will either end in this phase of their lives while some will have dreams come true and live happily ever after. These few days i have been pondering over - how can i get the best of both worlds and not compromise my own future?

I will want this to last, but im not sure if either or both of us will be willing to make sacrifices in the future.

relationships aside.

i was deeply disturbed to see the girl lose her 4 best friends in a night. They were ironically talking about how they promise to meet up in the future after they get into their respective universities which are supposedly very far apart. That was before they got killed. Poor 18-year-olds.

somehow i was overwhelmed with this sadness in me.

the thing i hate most is to lose friendships and worse - to physically lose anyone i know.

i dont think i will ever pursue the path of Forensic science.


my prom night will be in... 7 days? I am not making a big fuss over make ups or hairdos compared to 2 years ago when i went for my secondary 4 prom night.

Im not saying that this prom night is no big deal, but someone just made me realised that it is not THAT a big deal, all i want is to simply enjoy the night and immerse in the atmosphere.

im trying to look at the bright side of life in this 3 weeks left of school weeks.


sigh.


AND.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TESSA!

hello earthlings.

juliza is so bored right now, she has decided to blog again after 3 hours.

now..

this entry i shall introduce something that is very dear to me..

something that has been there 24/7 when i am sad, angry, depressed, happy, crazy.

something that has companied me through my lonely xmas eve 2007.

something that has protected me ever since i stepped into Canada.

something that has kept me warm and safe from the harsh winter.

introducing... MySpace!

nono. not MSN's MySpace.

but MYspace. that i share with 2 other people. Sara (she requested for an honorary mention) and Yan Wei.

SARA! has broken my train of thoughts by bugging me to go gym 1 hour after i bugged her to go. it's 9.38pm already! LOL

anyway.

back to my space.

actually im bullshitting. i meant to just blog about my workstation.

hahahaha.

first.. lets start off where my table is and my lovely mac is.



it is quite messy at the moment.. and it is even messier now that i have started to eat some junks and throwing it on the table. my table is so small right! i seldom do any written work on it anyway. those are done at the big round tables in school!

and here is the "second level" of my table..



if u noticed.. there are pictures of my singaporean friends! i bet most of u dont have my face hanging of ur table while i have urs! =D
that's what being overseas do to you. these pictures remind me that i have friends back at home to bug =D

and some junk food.. and some presents from people =)

and now to show u my left-side neighbour which is SARA!



all our tables are stuck side by side! that is sara's finger.. HMM.

and now my right-side neighbour which is YANWEI



unlike sara.. none of yanwei's bodyparts is part of the photo because she is currently out at the library doing some english project while me and sara are deathly bored and stuck at home. how ironic.

and u should get the picture right now.. that im stuck in the middle.

last but not least.. to emphasize how small my room is... LOOK! our (me and sara's) double decker bed is right behind sara!



and that's all for my workstation.

1 more month to go!

i wanna blog more about the various usual places here =D

me am feeling quite aimless also leh these few days.

i just ate my dinner, and it is 5.30pm only! yes, they eat dinner super early here lar. so if i go back singapore and u here me complaining "i'm hungry -wails-" at 5 plus.. hmm.

since im taking an advanced maths course, i am done with the normal course's test andonly left with final exams, and just learning the advance things now.. SO.. no more test =)

computer science.. i dont even know how to explain the nothingness of this course unless i have assignments to do.

biology.. i have to read the textbook! but im procrastinating.

and yes, i agree with sijie. i am so bored, that i have been reading blogs and blogs. i have no idea what to do online.. and i keep revisiting blogs even though they are not updated.. hoping that they will update within that 30 minutes since i last visited.

1 more month to final exams! and in here, final exam marks the end of your school days. after that is just waiting for the graduation ceremony..

tick tock tick tock. SUNNY ISLAND HERE I COME!

actually im fine with the weather here now. lovin' it. it warm and sunny at 17°C!! DAMN HAPPY CAN! finally the temperature hitting 2 digits and 17 is perfect.

-jumps around-

I LOVE THE SUN!

hmmm. next friday is PROM NIGHT!

no yanrong, i am NOT wearing a veil.. me am not geisha.

and.... i dont even know if i fit into my dress or not. HMM. LOL

and and and! i am going to take a limousineeee!

okay i will take pictures and gek u guys next friday okie????

I MISS SUKI.


hai.

i think the life here is so repetitive that i see alot of couples getting real bored.. cos when i went home especially early today at 5pm, i see alot of attached girls going home too.. HMM.

and i hope those going through some rough times to cheer up! =D

i feel so guilty so damn guilty.

that aside..

having taken grade 12 english in canada in summer semester which was june 2007.. i learnt about marginalization and third space.

third space... is when a person feels that he/she is not here not there because u are not entirely part of that society neither are u entirely part of the other. so.. its like a different space and u are sort of alone and u experience marginalization.

not that im racially bullied in anyway...

but.. when i am your good friend and have done this country proud, i am from that particular country.. but if i have done anything wrong in your eyes, i am from the other particular country..

yes, i am an indonesian. but i was brought up in Singapore, taught and absorbed the Singaporean culture. but i am proud of my roots.

i will not allow anyone to criticize either of the countries. intra-criticism is not tolerated as well.

yeap. i hope my message was well conveyed.

i am more aware that i am an indonesian after coming to canada, cos i am surrounded by more indonesians! and they are pretty nice people =)

i am NOT malay.

LOL.

---

today is monday. mondays oh mondays.

seriously, i have to say this.

if you dont understand the situation, ask, dont assume.

i wont deny that i have been guilty for such accusations before.

but i thot you knew better.


i am feeling quite lost now.

hmmm. i think i have the most entries in this april!

ignorance is bliss. i know most of you will agree with me, sometimes.

there are certain things that u think by ignoring it, it will just go away.

the happy times are when u dont think about it, but when u do think abt it, it just affects u alot... alot.


now i cant stop thinking.. and wondering.


i want to talk about it yet i dont.


ive never ran away so far from a matter before.

i think i really am quite afraid this time.

---

other than that, i think im going to be screwed for my hair tmr. LOL

someone suggested that i blog in indonesian -_-

i would if u dont understand it and i know how to type in that language.

---

speaking of which, me am going to indo from 2 july to 12 july, any hitchikers? hahaha. i know u guys wanna feel like millionaires =P

but yeah seriously, if wanna go, just tell me =D

---

okay, i really dont know what else to say. i think im too free and bored. but from next week onwards, my work will pile up so high that it can compete with mount everest! hahaha. okay lar. to be fair, im the most relaxed in this room. i deserve it right, for staying here for nearly a year rather than 10 months or 7 months!

im trying to look for that silver lining on my cloud, im not sad or anything. im just blinded thats all.


ta~! me am going to slp!

here is the product of our new haircuts..

i didnt take a picture of my brother's haircut though =(

can't wait to see them in suits =D



"my chinese g......d"

do i really look more chinese!?

okay, i was super pissed due to my PMS in the previous entry. im fine now.

super fine (:

---

i just came back from hamilton with a new hairstyle! never tried before but im happy with it =DDD plus my hairdresser was a damn cute guy who looks str8 out from a drama! LOL so i just agree with whatever he said (:

plus. my date and my brother both went to get their suits, pants, shirts today. SO MUCH MONEY SPENT =(

when i didnt shop for anything =D

if u dont include the expenses for my hair that is..

heheheh.

i wonder what will happen, if u would do anything at all, if one day i walk away and never turn back like how i have been doing so...

you probably would just leave everything to fate and let me leave.

i know. i know it so perfectly well, that i hurt myself everytime.

---

why is it that when i change for the better, i always have to settle with things that are so uncertain?

yet when i was so mean and unkind, i have never really cherished those "i would do anything for you."

---

i had the hardest math test ever in this school but it was very exciting and fun for me. followed by preparations for southeast asian dinner, then the dinner itself.

i think that too much interactions with the world has made me real sick.

WHY CANT U JUST CARE FOR ONCE AND STOP RUNNING AWAY.

i'm listening to my first favourite indonesian song now - kenangan terindah

meaning beautiful memories..

memories.. i was thinking on the school bus to school in the morning.. i want to make videos of every activity i do in this school.. in this place.. not those special one-off activites, okay maybe including those, but i want to record down the times when i have to wake up and get ready to catch the school bus.. i want to capture this whole particularly special period of my time. really. in this close to 1 year of stay in Canada and CIC..i've done things that i will never do in singapore, and i have learn alot of things from the "wordly" culture here.. here are some of the lessons and special moments from the top of my head.. not the full list..

this is what i have been doing while my singapore counterparts are working or playing..

1. took school bus to and fro the school. it somehow..acts as the starting moment of school and the end of the school day. compared to having to catch my own bus to school every morning to AC last time.. yellow, last bus 7.30am (=

2. having the almost similar breakfast everyday.. eggs,chicken sausages, cereals and whole wheat bread.. and occasional congee or muffins. i used to eat a bowl of rice every morning before i go to school.. that was primary school and the first of secondary school year.. until i argued with my mom that no one eats so much for breakfast.. and she sort of stop feeding us breakfast, other than milo.

now i have started eating whole wheat bread.. i will feel so hungry without breakfast.

3. having lunch with friends in summer.. and with friend in fall and winter.. despite the difference, most of the time it was enjoyable, not often tasty but full of laughter.

4. ... i forgot i want to say already.

cos sara just came back "ju!! i am depressed! i need you to teach me vectors!"

lolx. so im off now.. actually i have so much things to type abt but the things just flew out of my mind.

im off to review vectors and help sara, after i show her the nice indo song. (:

我正在拥有短暂的幸福。

还是幸福 (=

都说是短暂了，我还能做什么呢？

--

i dont know why im more into chinese here than singapore. hahaha. some feelings i can only describe in english, some only in chinese and even though its rare, sometimes only in indonesian.

thats's precisely what im feeling now, and thats what i want a particular someone to know and maybe the rest of you. (:

i have quite a few things to say, but my thoughts are not orgnanized into words yet. too full from lunch.

today's fried rice was not bad.

WHEEEEEW. guess what i have been doing the past 2 hours?! looking for an application that i can use to make a collage of photos! SO MANY APPLICATIONS ARE INCOMPATIBLE WITH MAC.

me am angry and frustrated.

okay relax. TODAY IS A NICE DAY. today as in 7 April not 8. hahaha.

as i am typing the start of this entry, my photos are being uploaded onto flickr which is 20% completed now. afterwhich, i will use collagr to make a collage. This is valuable information for mac users ok!

a more valuable info, DONT BUY MAC. LOL.

well, at least i still havent gotten any virus in my comp till now! rejoice!

i had my biology test on evolution this morning, and i believe that humans have evolved to become very lazy species, such that we are dependent on everything else that moves and works. and not alive.

32% completed..

and guess what! i only realized it today that i have computer science test tomorrow and smart me, did not get back my file from my brother.

aside from the frustrating stuffs..

i actually had a pretty lovely day today (:

on this special day.. erhem. 7!!

we went to dine at August 8 that is the name of the restaurant that serves sushi and dim sum all you can eat. There are 3 restaurants in this little downtown hamilton that serves japanese fusion with chinese food all you can eat! - namely sapporo (MAHHHH favourite), sushi star (i dont like the salmon sashimi and August 8!

this is the first time i have been to August 8.. well the setting was quite pretty at first sight, but actually the red cloth is not that high a quality -_-


sidenote: argh! my original plan to do the collage was ruin! now using another method.. SIGH. what a chore. thus im uploading some photos onto here manually.. i hope the collage will turn out fine on this blog..



Here is how the tables are set up..


the menu!


shy shy cat =X



almost all the dishes that we ate. i left out some cos collage was starting to frustrate me!!!! i'm sorry that it is so small, click on it to see bigger-_-
dishes in this picture : shrimp tempura, lian yong bao, salmon sashimi, unagi sushi, octopus ball, seaweed salad, rice noodle with beef, crispy salmon handroll, fried banana, green tea & red bean ice creams (YUM) and so on.. HEHE.


anyway. ANYWAY... after a frustrating day of updating my blog.. i am still full from the buffet. hahaha.

now you know why im fat!

ALL THE BUFFETS!

ONE MONTH!and moreeeeee.

anyway, i am bringing this friend of mine to visit singapore! SO EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME HIM WITH WIDE OPEN ARMS!

he's not that fat, trust me.

i dont even remember when i started it, but geeeesh.

hmmmmmmm.

relax.

i guess when i talk less, i give off this super negative vibe.

but all i wanted to do was to not trouble other people with my own troubles -_-

whooopee.

this is my 70th post!

7 my favourite number! =DD

1st April. =)

i tried tricking my bio teacher and she tried tricking me back! hahahah.

do you know that they have this queer rule in canada that you cannot play pranks after 12 noon ? i have no idea why.

i'm so tired from being blown by the wind..

i amaze myself sometimes. i could actually finish my computer science assignment without as much help as i thought i would need. computer science is fun! its not the usual boring basic computer skills they used to teach in singapore.. hahaha.

so, now im bored and i have nothing to do in computer science. Tried to occupy myself with mahjong on viwawa, but i lost interest in it within 3 games although i won all of them. lol

rather than letting my thoughts run wild again, blogging seemed like a good option =)

i apologize for the cryptic entries.. but, its better to keep some things to myself, rather than sharing it with anyone (:

i am feeling.. so very low now.

indeed, "boys use their brains to solve problems, while girls use their feelings." im so good at maths and science that sometimes i wonder if my brain is of the right sex orientation.. i try to use my brains in this case, letting my feelings take over once in a while, rather than letting them engulf me at one go when all are suppresed.

kelvin just put down his head on the table beside me. lolx. i dont even have the... energy to do that. yeah, weird.

right now, i wish that i can quickly get an offer from any university. i dont wanna keep feeling so uncertain. my father just asked if i applied unis in other countries.. and come to think of it. ive really narrowed my chances and decided my own future by just applying to Canadian universities. I think im really comfortable here.

but my dad made a very good point. places like australia, i would have more life there as i can go out more often. instead of being kept in the room by the cold weather. i guess i really need activities to occupy me right now, especially during this period of time.

ironically enough, i doubt that i will go out often during the first few days in singapore. firstly, my mom wouldnt let me out cos i should stay at home and spend time with my family. secondly, the hot weather will probably irritate me so badly. im going to have pimple outbreaks everyone on my body plus i'll instantly be roasted. my skin tone is the whitest ever here, although im still darker than others, i still feel like im ghastly white sometimes. LOL i'm going to look all chao dao again when i go back singapore, cos im lacking of vitamin E protection here. ahh! maybe i will put on sunscreen lotion.

less than 2 more months here.. what am i doing!?

♀ [ju]liza ariliany liew

20 this year [2009]
28 july 1989

[x]zhangde primary '01
[x]river valley high '05
[x]anglo-chinese junior college '08
[x]columbia international college of Canada '08
[x]McGill '12

rvtt & actt
♥sukiii. & cybi.
Singapore . Indonesia . Canada
♥room 221 + roomies.
♥besties.
Oct♥4.08 [J²]