Friday, September 29, 2006 @9/29/2006 10:20:00 PM
i want to cry. i really just want to cry. =/
i wonder if the problem lies with
me or the
people. but since its not only happening with 1 person, i guess its me then.
i have this big problem of communicating with people.. and usually the things i say are quite meaningless so i choose to keep my mouth shut. i try to express them in words but i often fail to get my message over. this has cause disastrous mental results.
my family:
- never knows that im
jealous of my brothers.
- never knows that whenever i said
thank you to them, i meant it sincerely. but i guess they see it as me acting nice after getting what i want.
- never knows how much i yearn for their
attention- never knows how badly they can hurt me with
simple actions and words- never knows that i only
talk alot and sanely when im at home. because i wan to share the happy times i had , but they never seem to care.
- never knows that i've
worked much harder than my brothers but they still see me as someone who does nothing.
- never knows that i'm secretly
crying whenever im hiding in the room.
yet they think that im having some attitude problem.
its not that i dont want to share my feelings but i've tried, and i've gotten scolded for it. moreover i dont wan my father to get stressed over small little things, like me.
- never knows that i
spend so much of their money to get their attention. others do it in the form of stealing, fighting, killing, basically turnin bad. while i stupidly just spend money. the only reason why i decided to go india was because my father was so full of concern and support. rarely felt that. otherwise why torture myself? i'm not one who can take hardships.
they never know so much things.. no wonder i alwaes suffer
alone.
as for friends..
basically there's
no one whom i can talk to. not even him. its because i afraid of stressing ppl out, or worse bore them with my damn sad life.
ironically, even though in my current sch i receive the most insults from my
closest frens and do feel affected by some of them sometimes, im starting to b able to handle it well.
hahah.
im not some stupid geek who takes insults and does nothing, just that i noe how life has been in ac, and .. i derno how to explain it, but sometimes insulting ppl for fun and not meaning it feels good.
thats what i did last time and i've hurt that fren of mine. now, im just an outlet for them to do so and feel good because they dun realli have much of an option in ac. while i, keep telling myself, they do not mean it =)
i still wan to
thank all of u girls and guys who have made me luff through out this year. i stepped into ac feeling
afraid and alone, but i'm glad things din turn out too badly.
i'm trying to become that nice person i felt i was in vj. its hard, it was a 180 degree change. but i've taken the first step by cutting down on my vulgarities by alot.
hai. i think i lead a damn sad life.
do i sound like im writing some goodbye n3 to the world?
maybe it is. my brother was hit by a truck on monday and he escaped with minor cuts and bruises while the car's windscreen was cracked like... badly. and
today my parens and brothers met with a car accident on the taxi they took.
nothing has happened to me
yet.
i just have that tingling feeling, its anytime soon...
goodbye.
Sunday, September 24, 2006 @9/24/2006 10:22:00 PM
geez. i realised i blogged about the india trip on sept 11. hmmm.. i wonder if terrorists will be waiting for me in the moutains and probably recruit me?
then.. i will persuade them to change their target from america to singapore's MOE building.
while i was reading on my new camera's reviews, i subconciously was reviewing my life.
though im ugly, with fat cheeks and humongous jaws, i can say that i'm pretty satisfied with my life. i've got a nice place to live in and my cute little suki to love me =) i've got parents who although live countries apart most of the time and still love each other and last but not least i've got a guy who does everything for me. hahaha. destined to be tai tai - i hope.
yea anywae, was trying to remind myself that i shldnt ask for so much.
i've many plans for this hols. hahax but i think only half of it will be carried out.
1. going to china for OCIP
2. going to india for OBS
3. somehow squeeze a few days to go back jakarta
4. practise real hard for zhong ruan and make it for SYF. hahaha.
5. train hard for ping pong >.<
6. i wan to look for a bowling coach. i wanna continue even though im getting to suck at it.
7. oh yah and practise piano. piano piano.
8. MUG FOR JC 2!!
9. plus go gym everyday in singapore!
okay. that shld be it. =)
omigosh im planning my hols even before my promos is over.
i believe.. that the above can be achieved if, and only if, i promote to JC2 and i dont laze around like what im doing now.
oh man. im blogging just cause im finding things to do. this entry makes no sense.
now what shld i do...?
i shall go kiss my dog.
Monday, September 11, 2006 @9/11/2006 10:13:00 PM
omigosh. i thought i missed the deadline for outward bound india =D it was supposedly 8 sept but i quickly emailed the organiser on 9 sept and i got a positive reply!
now i'm wondering whether i should really go or not.. i'll be lonely. =(
my dad has agreed to let me go but im still hesistating..
an excerpt from the email i received,
"
It is not too late to sign up now, I do still have a few vacancies left.You could ask your friends too!Below are some brief information of the Outward Bound India programme thatyou are interested in.OUTWARD BOUND INDIA (NEW DELHI)a. This 11-day Leadership Challenge Course is suitable for tertiarystudents aged 17 - 21 years old.The course will be held from 4 - 14 December 2006.b. The course is based and conducted in the regions of Shivpuri and Rishikesh, which is about 7 hours drive from New Dehli. The activities are mainly expedition-based. The students will have a chance to embark onland/trekking expedition through enchanting forests, rich in its flora and fauna and also a rafting expedition down the holy River Ganges. The participants will have many chances to interact with the locals. They will also perform a day of community service in a local village primary school.One of the main highlight of the cultural component will include a visit to one of the Wonders of the World - the Taj Mahal. The course will beconducted by instructors from Outward Bound Singapore and co-instructed byinstructors from Outward Bound India.c. The course fees is estimated at a maximum of S$2200.00 (nett) perparticipant."hey whoever is reading, give me some advice.
- should i go? is the money worth it?
i think so, 11 days leh!-should i go this year or wait for next year?
what if there's no outward bound next year? will this be able to be included in my testimonial if i joined next year's one instead?
testimonial, testimonial.. does it realli matters?
okay it does..the itinery sounds a bit interesting.. but tough. LAND expedition.. i'm a weak little girl.
i wonder how i survived outward bound
singapore.
last but not least, anyone interested in going along with me?
Sunday, September 03, 2006 @9/03/2006 09:51:00 AM
oh my my my. it's
september already. "wake me up when september comes.."
WAKE UP JULIZA! -
shakes shakes-
promos is coming my little juju.. =x
anywae. arrrgHHH! i bowled like
shit but good thing my mood didnt worsen =) or i will
kill anybody in my way -kwakwakwa-
i've been having very
weird dreams lately.. hmm. you people know what they are =P anywae, sijie tried to offer me a "
logical" explanation that i was almost convinced it was true!
"you have a
JU and a
LIZA in you, one is the one we see, the other is the naughty one" -sijie
something like that.
omg!! i got split personality.. get me a super glue please.
btw, i can't believe im spending a large proportion of my holidays studying...
IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND.